Eavesdropping
by Cynthia Arrow
Summary: “Okay, I think we’ve all had at least one fantasy involving Sam and a can of whipped cream, so we have to know.” (This has absolutely no substance at all...but hopefully it's entertaining.)


Disclaimer: I make no money off Sorkin's creation.

Rating: PG-13 for a whole lot of innuendo.

Note: This is all fluff. Read it in that spirit.

Eavesdropping

"So you don't think he'd be any good in bed?"

"Are you kidding?"

"Let me tell you: you don't know what you're missing."

"CJ!"

"Oh, come on. No we haven't. But I do know a thing or two about Toby. Back me up, here, Ginger."

"There is something about him, once you figure him out…"

"Ginger!"

"Oh, please, can you picture me with an old, bald Jewish guy? I'm just saying, there's more to Toby than meets the eye, once you get to know him."

It was late at night, and Josh was sure most of the staff was gone. He had been prepared to knock on CJ's door until he heard what he heard through the crack in the door. His jaw dropped open a mile and a half—dammit, he knew that's what women talked about when they got together in groups!—but he didn't want to reveal himself. So he peeked through a tiny hole in the blinds and saw CJ, Ginger, and Margaret. The others he couldn't see, but he knew their voices: Carol and Donna.

Donna: "I still think Toby wouldn't enjoy it."

Margaret: "Name me one man who doesn't enjoy sex."

Carol: "Leo?"

Margaret: "I'm putting both fingers in my ears now. La la la."

The group erupted into laughter and then got quiet, all at once.

CJ: "I think it's time we cleared the air, at least among friends. It would be good to get it off your chest. Has anybody slept with anyone in the West Wing?"

Carol: "One of the reporters."

CJ: "Not Danny?"

Carol: "No. The new guy, the short one. Let's just say he's not at all short."

The women laughed again and Josh suddenly felt sick. Angry and vindicated, but sick. They really did talk about size!

Margaret: "I heard Leo with his ex-wife once."

Donna: "No kidding."

Ginger: "At least someone gets to hear some action."

Margaret: "Don't make me put my fingers in my ears again."

The women laughed once again, Ginger's cackle nearly drowning out CJ's loud guffaws. Josh was beginning to think he didn't want to hear any more. Next time they started talking, he was going to walk away.

CJ: "Sam and I…"

Donna: "Are you serious?"

Josh nearly slammed his head into the window.

CJ: "It got pretty hot and heavy. We stopped before we did anything we'd regret."

Carol: "I know I wouldn't regret it."

Ginger: "Okay, I think we've all had at least one fantasy involving Sam and a can of whipped cream, so we have to know."

CJ's response was lost in the sound of laughter and women shifting their bodies around on the leather couch.

CJ: "It was really no big deal. I mean, okay, it was a big deal, but…Guys, I acknowledge that he's hot, I'd even say beautiful, but do you know who I think would turn me on even more?"

Josh said to himself, Do not say the president.

Margaret: "Do not say the president."

CJ: "Not him or Leo. I'm kind of embarrassed to say, but I really think it would be interesting to be in Josh Lyman's bed."

The women gasped, and Josh had time to process what CJ said. He had enough time to be shocked but not turned on because he was a little annoyed by all the gasping. Surely it wasn't so outrageous as thinking about Toby…Ew, he said to himself. And he listened patiently for someone's response, although he was more than a little frightened to hear it.

Margaret: "I guess if you can stand the arrogance."

Ginger: "He thinks that's his charm."

Donna: "That's not his charm."

Josh's stomach turned a flip because of the tone in her voice. CJ's voice was a barely controlled shriek when she spoke again.

CJ: "Oh my God, Donna, don't tell me you've seen his charm."

Donna: "I've seen more than his charm."

Josh froze.

Margaret: "If you even mention how big his…charm is, I won't be able to look him in the face."

Josh heard Donna laugh. "Okay, so there's not a lot of…charm to brag about, but, oh my God, what he does with what he has..."

He was at a complete loss. Why would she lie like that? Or what had she seen when she brought him home drunk? So he decided to listen.

CJ: "Does that insufferable egotism follow him into the bedroom?"

Donna: "I think I've said enough."

Carol: "Come on, we're dying for some good gossip."

Donna: "Okay. Well, I don't want you all to get the wrong idea about him. He's actually very sweet. Except when he wants me to play assistant."

Margaret: "In bed. Oh, that's so..."

Ginger: "Boring."

Donna: "Actually, it's more like being his slave. He makes me do whatever he wants. And I don't mind."

At that, Josh didn't even think. He burst into the room. "Donnatella Moss, I cannot believe you'd tell everybody that I'm a sadomasochist with a small penis."

Donna said, "Truth hurts, doesn't it." She added, in a sultry tone, "Master."

As she and the other assistants tripped laughing out into the hallway, CJ choked back her own laughter.

"You are so gullible. And, I gotta tell you, not at all sneaky."

"Most people are smart enough to shut doors on private conversations in the West Wing."

"Most people are smart enough not to think that being with you is my most private sexual fantasy."

"Is it?"

"Is that wishful thinking or are you going for the stupidity decathlon here?"

Josh sank into the couch. "I will never live this down, will I?"

"You were screwed no matter what," she said, finally breaking into fits of giggles, patting him on the shoulder as she walked out of the room.


End file.
